「 ✦ Anxious friends vs dry texter ✦ 」
Have you ever had a very anxious or sensitive friend? I've had a few of them and I love them but it can be really complicated sometimes. Make it two times harder if you're a dry texter.
So I think I might be the kind of person that is naturally a bit distant and quiet but it doesn't necessarily mean anything bad. I can be super quiet and happy at the same time. I'm also very awkward. I never know what to reply to anything and it can take me ages just to get me to reply to a message or comments on my blog only because I'm looking for the right words and scared of saying something wrong.
Most of my friends know that (though I still get called grumpy just for being quiet) but...I don't exactly know how to call that but there's my best friend who is asking me all the time if I'm doing okay or if I'm upset when I'm perfectly alright. Last time he asked if I was upset after I told him I was frustrated because he told me he was going to tell me something but ended up saying "nevermind". First of all, I didn't even chose the right word, I should've said that I was annoyed. I felt so bad because I could feel that he was embarrassed and sad I might be mad at him when I wasn't. Then I tried to explain to him that it wasn't it at all, but damn I never seem to find the right words in this kind of situation. Also I'm not annoyed by his reaction or anything but this is very common and as an awkward person I NEVER know how to react, it gets me every time. What am I supposed to do? Should I be less dry or blunt?
Thing is, I think he might be worried I may not be okay in any way. If I reply too dryly, he'll ask if I'm okay and if he did anything wrong. It confuses me because well, I thought he knew about how I was behaving usually? I never got mad at him either. I'm worried about him thinking I could ever treat him bad and/or scream at him if I'm mad, but I would never do something like that.
Now I don't know how to behave around him because I'm scared of hurting him or saying something that could make him think I'm upset. I love him to death and I really don't want to hurt his feelings but I also can't turn into a person I'm not just for that, can I? If one of you has advice, I'll gladly take them because I really don't know what to do there.
Also, have you already felt that way with your friends too? Tell me everything. Kisses xx
I get both parts because I've been on both sides of this problem lol. I think sometimes when you have an anxious friend you can accidentally fall into this dynamic where you're constantly monitoring the way you say things because you don't want them to think something is wrong. But I also don't think you should have to change the way you naturally communicate. Maybe it's more about both of you learning each other's patterns. Like your friend learning that a short reply from you doesn't automatically mean you're upset or that it's dry, while you can reassure him when you notice he genuinely needs it
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your opinion it really helped!!
Deleteas someone who has been on both sides of this, i definitely understand where you're coming from. what i would say though is while responding can be something you forget to do sometimes, you should really make an effort to respond in a kind way, but if you genuinely are busy or whatever, make sure your friends know that it's not personal! not responding is ok to an extent, yknow? however, you shouldn't be in friendships where you feel like you have to walk on eggshells because of other peoples anxiety.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I will try that too!!
Delete